Every child is a gift, and the loss of even the smallest life is mourned by Catholic parents. Today we’re talking about one of the heaviest crosses that is borne in Catholic family life: miscarriage and infant loss. This episode includes Leah Libresco Sargeant, Laura Fanucci, author, with her husband Franco, of Grieving Together: A Couple’s Journey through Miscarriage, and Msgr. Donald Sakano from the Archdiocese of New York.
Leah is the author of Arriving at Amen: Seven Catholic Prayers that Even I Can Offer and Building the Benedict Option: A Guide to Gathering Two or Three Together in His Name
Here’s the Shrine to the Unborn at Holy Innocent Parish in NYC, as mentioned in the podcast.
There is also a ministry called Elizabeth Ministry International that seeks to help families in these situations.
You can have a pretty good cut podcast on this topic. My husband and I Scott and I’m Jeanne got married in 1998 . I was 34 and hub was 36. We live in Largo Florida. This is the diocese of Saint Petersburg, Florida. Not everything is always easy here and So called paradise .
My husband and I have 21 years of marriage, really enjoyed your podcast miscarriage episode 40. We were coming back from the beach yesterday and in a rental car or a truck. We live in Florida and we’re in our mid 50s now. I had about 3 to 4 miscarriages that didn’t end in children. In Other words we don’t have any kids after the miscarriages 20 years ago. It’s a long story but my grieving process was to go back to school and get a masters degree.
My husbands’s a family lawyer that we see a whole lot. My husband really had a good cry with me in the parking lot of Chick-fil-A.We had our Beagle Alfie with us and we were coming back from the beach. We couldn’t take him inside with us because of not being able to leave a dog in the car coming to Florida law. We live in Florida and we stopped for an hour in the Disney area coming back from the other side of the state . We had a good cry well eating dinner at a Chick-fil-A.
We’re both professional people with no kids. I’m a teacher and a journalist trained. We catch it from both sides: The ultra Catholic patronizing people who are not very nice I just tap us on the shoulder without knowing how old we are say O dear you’ll have children. They can be very rude. And then there is The other secular side that seems to understand more. Not everybody is going to have six kids or any kids at all. I think what you forget to cover is those who don’t have any children not by choice.
All of mine miscarriages were less than a month . I never got to go to a doctor due to insurance. But I had 3 blue lines on those tests f on the drugstore .
I like what you said about how a lot of people who are older push things down and don’t talk about it. I would say it’s for me, I’m in the last stages of the grieving process which is near acceptance. What’s wrong with the grieving process is that a lot of people don’t realize that a lot of people don’t want to adopt.
A lot of things happened—-we went through that process as well. About eight or nine years ago in our 40s, we looked into adopting older children but we ended up having to deal with the death of my father-in-law. He was 89 when he died and left us a house that needed a serious amount of repair. To give you an idea of what it was like we had a house in Florida in the 90 degree plus heat with no air conditioning for three years . We moved into his late father‘s house for a while. It ended up being an almost nightmare. Add the grief of losing kids to the grief of losing a father-in-law to dealing with money and a house that didn’t work – Well, we got through it with some kind of grace.
And sdd Scott my husband who got sick with complications with diabetes. He ended up having foot surgery on his toes were amputated on his right foot. Adoption case workers don’t exactly like people who go in hospitals a whole lot because it’s not stability for the older child.
We ended up having to sell the house due to a impending tax sale. We’re happier now because we downsize to a one bedroom. It’s almost like a first year of marriage because we don’t have to worry about stuff. We don’t have to worry about fixing the house. We’re trying not to worry about those people who give us grief while we’re still dealing with a lifetime of grief after losing our kids. Whew… let someone else mow the lawn. We now have time for the beach, our parish which is near the beach, and each other. We try to ignore the people who are rude and pushy I don’t respect any grief. They need to go elsewhere.
Now, btw I grew up here in Florida but born in Nyc. Scott is from Chicago. We met here at a Catholic group at our cathedral and dated 7 years from the late 80s to late 90s. He’s my best friend too.
I think you need to cover future episodes what happens when you don’t have children in the end . You missed that one big time please don’t do it again .
We are out here & don’t always have six children in the end. We have none. We do other things like service projects and have dogs and take care of each other.
Sarah, come visit us sometime in the diocese of St. Petersburg, namely come see us in Largo Florida. We love it here, mostly. God is our sunshine. Our diocese has the tallest bish in the USA . He has a shadow but it is still bright. Write me . Or call I don’t mind. 727 4031716
Oh yeah, I have a blog http://findmeinflorida.org that centers around daily life in Florida. It may not be much, but since God is everywhere,he’s in our daily life here and in the sunshine. Have a great week.
Thanks for the comment– I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and hope that you are able to, as Msgr. Sakano talks about in the podcast, unite these sufferings to Jesus’. God bless you.