Love Means More Sneak Peak: Is Love a Feeling?
The following article is a preview of the content for our new home, Love Means More:
Is love how someone makes you feel?
No. It can include that, but it is primarily an act that involves the whole person, not just the emotions.
“Love does not seek its own interests.” -St. Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:5
Ok, but what does that actually mean?
Brian was nervous whenever Charlotte was around. He had never felt much of anything for anyone, but she singlehandedly changed his view of people without even trying. Her radiant face and the lighthearted way she interacted with people were more than enough to make him forget his troubles. Just being in the same classroom with her was enough to fill his life with joy. He thought he could be happy with her. He asked her to prom. She said no. She explained as kindly as possible that, no matter how much she wanted to feel the same way about him, she just couldn’t force it. The butterflies in his stomach turned to lead weights and sank to his feet. Now what?
The view that love is only a feeling can’t help Brian be respectful of Charlotte. If he thought, “she makes me feel truly alive, therefore I must be in love with her”, he would be tempted to reject her honest response. He might either doubt that she meant it, or resent her because he believed that she owed it to him to return his “love”. This is how wounds go unhealed and develop into bitterness.
Even if the feeling was mutual, and everything Brian wanted came to pass, it still wouldn’t be enough. If the relationship depended on each of them valuing the other solely because of “how you make me feel”, they would care more about how they themselves felt than about the good of the other person, who is the cause of those feelings. If they could get the same feeling elsewhere, there would be nothing keeping them together. The relationship would be built on use, not love, unless his feelings progressed into love of the other for her own sake.
The difference between feeling love and having love is like the difference between feeling a book and reading a book. Brian can hold a book in his hand all he wants, but that’s not what the book is for. The book is for reading, which usually involves holding it, but not necessarily. If merely holding it is so enjoyable, that must be some book. Likewise, Brian doesn’t have loving feelings for the sake of being pleased in her company, he has loving feelings for the sake of Charlotte’s good.
To be continued on Love Means More…
Archive
Ep. 117: Evangelizing Men plus Inception
Jose Pulido knows what it takes to evangelize men and to drive men to evangelize others. He’s done it in his ministry At the Service, and he knows how scripture can help make it happen. Later, (21:10) Kara joins to get a jump on the upcoming Christopher Nolan film Oppenheimer by looking back at Inception and its overlooked emphasis on the role of objective reality in truly loving relationships.
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Find Jose’s ministry at startattheservice.com!
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Ep. 116: Jason Evert on Gender Theory plus Inside Out part 2
We’re back with the rest of our conversation with Jason Evert on his book Male, Female, Other? and how it can help us approach gender theory and those who experience gender discordance. Then (19:35), Kara joins to finish talking about Pixar’s Inside Out.
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Find more from Jason Evert on gender theory, including Male, Female, Other? at chastity.com/gender!
Past episodes on Pixar’s anthropology trilogy:
Ep. 61: Dating, Breakups, and Pixar’s Soul
Ep. 80: Hispanic Family Life and Coco
Ep. 115: Jason Evert on Gender Theory plus Inside Out part 1
Archive
Ep. 115: Jason Evert on Gender Theory plus Inside Out part 1
Jason Evert of the Chastity Project joins to discuss his new book Male, Female, Other?, which addresses the current state of gender theory in our culture. He goes into great detail about how to address the problems in the ideology, but more importantly he provides insight into how to lovingly speak and listen to someone struggling with gender discordance, not as an advocate, but as a child of God. Later (18:55), Kara joins in advance of Pixar’s new film Elemental to talk about another Pixar movie, one that has a lot to say, both true and misleading, about the human person: Inside Out. Will Andrew be able to restrain his philosophical finger-pointing to recognize the positive elements? Only one way to find out!
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Find more from Jason Evert on gender theory, including Male, Female, Other? at chastity.com/gender!
Past episodes on Pixar’s anthropology trilogy:
Ep. 61: Dating, Breakups, and Pixar’s Soul
Ep. 80: Hispanic Family Life and Coco
Archive
Ep. 114: Bishop Robert Barron on … Everything
Does God need us? Why would he create us (or anything) if he didn’t? How is God’s relationship with us and with the world different than any other religion’s account? How does it change the way we love? Bishop Robert Barron, head of the Diocese of Winona-Rochester and Word on Fire, discusses how the Christian distinction answers all of those questions and more.
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Check out Bishop Barron’s new video on Mrs. Davis!
The God of Faith and Reason by Msgr. Robert Sokolowski
Archive
Ep. 113: Human Ecology part 2 plus Lady Bird
Our conversation on human ecology continues with Dr. Jennifer Frey, who dives deeper into the mind of the Church and the work of the Institute for Human Ecology. Then (19:15), we celebrate Mother’s Day with Kara by talking about Lady Bird. The prestigious 2017 movie has a surprisingly nuanced take on family life and love-related wounds, without turning its nose up at Christianity.
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Sacred & Profane Love podcast
Rerum Novarum by Leo XIII
Centesimus Annus by John Paul II (37-39)
2011 Address to the German parliament by Benedict XVI
Laudato Si by Francis (155)
Lady Bird
Check out the cool way this image from the movie is composed, with Our Lady of Guadalupe in the background right next to Christine.
Archive
Ep. 112: Human Ecology plus Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2
When talking about humanity’s relationship with nature, John Paul II used the phrase “human ecology”. Benedict XVI used a similar phrase. So did Francis. What do they all mean by it? Dr. Jennifer Frey, of the Institute for Human Ecology and a philosophy professor at the University of South Carolina, helps unpack this theme in the Church’s recent tradition. Kara hops in to talk about Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 (20:25) and its bad dad before the release of volume 3.
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Sacred and Profane Love: the institute’s podcast
Dependent Rational Animals by Alasdair MacIntyre
Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2
Archive
Ep. 111: Sleepless in Seattle
Happy Easter! We’re back with a shorter episode during the Easter Octave, celebrating the 30th anniversary of Sleepless in Seattle! Kara and Andrew complete their coverage of the Nora Ephron-Meg Ryan romcom trilogy. Destiny takes a hand, or does it?
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Related Episodes:
71– When Harry Met Sally
72– When Harry Met Sally part 2
99– You’ve Got Mail
Archive
Ep. 110: Protecting from Porn plus AI Dating
The addictive danger to our families from pornography is far too great to ignore, which is why Amanda Zurface of Covenant Eyes is here to help. She talks about how communities and families can guard against these risks, and how parishes can do the same, with Safe Haven Sunday. Then, Kara joins (18:00) to chat about the recent AI/chatGPT news developments, through the lens of the film Her (2013), directed by Spike Jonze. Could an advanced AI genuinely take part in a romantic relationship? (Spoiler: of course not).
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Related Episodes
Ep. 25– Catholics and Pornography
Ep. 76– I’m Your Man‘s robot husband (21:00)
Her (2013)
Archive
Ep. 109: Spooky Body Problems plus CODA part 2
When you think of your soul leaving your body, what image comes to mind? If it’s a ghostly duplicate of your physical body, boy do we have a show for you. Dr. Therese Scarpelli Cory joins from Notre Dame’s philosophy department to examine how that view has some unintended side effects for our sense of self, how to improve on that view, and what it has to do with our relationship with Jesus Christ. Then, Kara joins to finish our Oscars run-up with the rest of our heartfelt discussion of last year’s Academy Award Best Picture winner, CODA (21:10).
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CODA (2021)
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Ep. 108: The Revolution’s Aftermath plus CODA part 1
Why do we feel more isolated than ever? How do kids from smaller families have a harder time forming connections later in life? What do people mean when they talk about identity, using phrases like “it’s who I really am”? Mary Eberstadt discusses answers to those questions, her new book Adam and Eve After the Pill Revisited, and the unfolding impact of the Sexual Revolution. Later (32:00), Kara joins as we continue our run-up to the Oscars with part 1 of our discussion of CODA, last year’s Academy Award Best Picture winner.
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Adam and Eve After the Pill Revisited
CODA (2021)
Archive
Ep. 107: Eucharist and Vocation plus Everything Everywhere All at Once
Our coverage of the National Eucharistic Revival continues with Sr. Alicia Torres, managing editor of the Eucharistic Revival’s newsletter, who shares how her relationship with Jesus in the Eucharist animates her calling as a Franciscan Sister of the Eucharist. Later (18:45), Kara Bach joins as we attempt to wrap our minds around Everything Everywhere All at Once. This Academy Award front-runner has a lot to say about a lot (as the title might suggest), and we try to separate the googly eyes from the sinister bagels.
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Sign up for the Eucharistic Revival Newsletter!
Franciscans of the Eucharist of Chicago
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Archive
Ep. 106: Titanic
Kara and Andrew devote an entire episode to Titanic on the 25th anniversary of the film’s long run in theaters, which happens to coincide with director James Cameron’s new film, Avatar: The Way of Water. The aquatic adventure from 1997 has quite a bit more to offer for reflection on the call to love, however. As is unavoidable when talking about this movie, the conversation gets emotional.
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Ep. 105: Eucharistic Revival plus The Fabelmans
We are kicking off the new year with a look at the Eucharistic Revival! Fr. Craig Vasek gives us the scoop on this growing movement to restore faith in the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. Then (27:35), Kara Bach joins to talk about Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-contending autobiographical family drama, The Fabelmans.
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The National Eucharistic Revival
Eucharistic Revival Leaders Playbook
Eucharistic Revival Newsletter
Books
The Lamb’s Supper by Scott Hahn
Jesus the Bridegroom by Brant Pitre
Jesus & the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist by Brant Pitre
Plus, check out this cool moment from a Steven Spielberg, which shows how his family life is reflected in his work.
Archive
Ep. 104: The Muppet Christmas Carol
We’re ending the year by celebrating the 30th anniversary of The Muppet Christmas Carol! Kara and Andrew wax theological about this all-time classic, which builds in surprising ways on Charles Dickens’s original 1843 novella. According to this version of Scrooge, love is the only thing sillier than a Merry Christmas. How’s that working out for him?
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The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
A bit of housekeeping: we’ll be off for Christmas, so this will be the last episode until January. Thank you all for making 2022 the most listened-to year in the history of this podcast!
Have a Blessed Advent and a Merry Christmas!
Archive
Ep. 103: Aquinas and Casablanca
What did Aquinas say about marriage? How does he reveal the true nature of marriage as we live it out today? Did he get everything right, and if not, how do we approach it now? Fr. Gregory Pine, OP, joins to answer those questions and more! Then, Kara joins (22:30) to celebrate the 80th anniversary of Casablanca and how world events impact the call to love.
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Fr. Gregory contributes to *four* different podcasts, which you can find here:
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Ep. 102: The Rings of Power
Kara and Andrew finally complete their quest to review season 1 of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power! Most of the story is not original to Tolkien and was produced by a company whose practices diverge considerably from the Gospel. So why does the show quote almost directly from scripture and the moral theology of Thomas Aquinas with strange regularity? Why is divine providence hinted at more heavily than in the Lord of the Rings films? What’s going on here?
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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
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Ep. 101: Friends and Fatherhood plus The Rings of Power
Canavox’s Lucas Fennell joins to talk about what we can learn about friendship and its impact on fatherhood, drawing from his years of experience working with teenage boys and incarcerated men.
Then (25:10), Kara and Andrew finally start their coverage of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. Now that season 1 is complete, we can finally talk about it, but will we fit everything into one episode? (No).
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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
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Ep. 100: Movie Spectacular with Steven Greydanus
We’re celebrating 100 episodes by celebrating the movies! Deacon Steven Greydanus of Decent Films joins to offer some perspective on our approach to film, declining religious themes in Marvel movies like Thor: Love and Thunder, Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, plus a plethora of recommendations!
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Religion and Nihilism in Recent Marvel Movies
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Ep. 99: Psychology and Gender plus You’ve Got Mail
Dr. Andrew Sodergren brings his psychological expertise to the podcast to help us tackle questions surrounding the development of men and women. This fascinating look includes Attachment Theory, questions about gender discordance and dysphoria, and how to treat people with those experiences compassionately and truthfully. Then (36:55), Kara joins to mark the onset of Fall as is commonly done: by talking about You’ve Got Mail.
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Sexual Identity: The Harmony of Philosophy, Science, and Revelation
Ruah Woods Psychological Services
When Harry Met Sally episodes:
71– Attraction and Discordance part 2 plus When Harry Met Sally
72– When Harry Met Sally part 2